ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
