i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
