You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
