Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
