Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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