i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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