You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
