how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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