I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
