What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
