I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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