maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
