It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
