Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
