I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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