Dual....:-)
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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