Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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