i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
