At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
