my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
