she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
