FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
