It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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