Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
