after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
