so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
