i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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