Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
