She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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