just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
