her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
