Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
