she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
