I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
