Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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