i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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