i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
