and next time when you feel me up, do it right
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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