I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
