I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
