So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
