so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
