After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
