sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
