Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
