im about as happy as oj after his trial
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
