we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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