you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
