Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
