Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
