I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
