If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
