I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Randomize
