Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
