I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
