I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
