By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
