Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
