Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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