When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
