i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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